I spent 18 hours this weekend in sex education training, volunteering to help the trainers with the first week of classes. It was intense as fuck! I am so exhausted - I have no idea how long I'll last tonight. I just want to sleep and never wake up - "That's called death..." my friends remind me. To top it off, I went out last night to Butter, my favorite place, and had lots of jello shots and a Long Island Iced Tea with my lovely coworkers, former team lead, and her sisters. It was worth going out for a bit, but I'm ready to collapse.
One thing I was reminded of this weekend was my former passion for sex ed. I miss it. I miss it a lot, and there's such a void to be filled at the organization I volunteer with. I'm searching for something meaningful and exciting to do with my life, and I just wish I could find a way to make sex ed part of it. I'm even more motivated after this weekend to find a way to make this a part of my life, but my way and on my terms.
The sex ed community in San Francisco is hella white, hella poly/bi/kinky, and if you don't fit into those labels, you can feel ostracized. My goal is to find (or create) a community for people who don't necessarily fit inside those lines. I still would like to be a part of the organization, and to do work for them, but I acknowledge that I'm not going to get all of my needs met there. So I have to find my own niche. You know, that 'be the change you want to see in the world' shit.
Maybe it'll give me a reason to live. Lately, it's been one shitty thing after another. I could use something positive.
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