Work is really fucking with my ability to live a normal life. This morning, I woke up hysterically crying from a dream. This has only ever happened a couple of times, and they were all dreams where my father died, so this was really disturbing.
In the dream, my whole team was in a classroom and we had to present on our current projects. Most of the group went, and then it was my turn. I stood up and started to talk about the cancellation of this event, all of the work I was doing for it, and how it's been a learning experience. As I was talking, one of our team leaders interrupted me and told me that I was doing the assignment wrong and that everything had to be framed in a certain way. Then she pointed to a chalkboard and there were words on it that hadn't been there in the first place. That's when it happened. I flipped the fuck out - rubber band SNAP. I started yelling about how the company is bullshit and my team is bullshit and no one cares about anyone else and we just have to jump through these terrible hoops for nothing. Executives are bullshit and they don't care about us. I went OFF. I was shaking and screaming and raising hell. Then I sat down and everyone was like O_O, all staring at me. After that I ran out of the room and collapsed in the door jamb crying. I just kept on saying "I can't do this. I can't do this anymore. I have an Ivy League degree and I'm smart and I work hard, but this is just too much for me. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore."
So basically... I can't do this anymore. My subconscious is SCREAMING at me and I need to listen. Change is in the wind.
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