wedding weekend!

Currently en route to NYC on Amtrak from Harrisburg. Had an amazing time at SW's wedding! It was so nice to see MW - last time I saw her was at her own wedding. The wedding was at a beautiful winery and the night was full of wine and dancing. I love weddings! I don't even know why. I'm so cynical about my own love life, but there's something magical about them. It's also fun to catch up with old friends and see what everyone is doing. So glad I was able to make it!

I can't believe I leave for MILAN in 6 hours. Insanity! Meeting with Gremlin and Creeper is going to be so much fun. Been waiting for this for a long time! I hope there are beautiful Italian men in our futures. Also hope there is a beautiful Chanel bag in my future. I feel like burning cash right now =)

Anyway, so much more to update on: my weird mood, my job plans, and my younger brother's pending engagement. More to follow from the airport.

a little quick update on work.

I have bounced back from my external rejection and am forging ahead! I currently have my sights set on 3 jobs (realistically, though, only two). One is in London and the other two are Bay Area, but they are both with my company. The more I think about it, the more I don't want to leave. I know I'm being ensnared by the perks and the shiny nature of all of it, but I'm okay with that. I like my lifestyle and I want to keep it. Ain't no shame.

The job in London is doing community manager work there - throwing events locally, discovering the hotspots of London. I'm really just excited about it because it's in London. I don't expect to be seriously considered for the role, as there is a lot of interest and I'm not local, but doesn't hurt to try! The second one would be amazing - it's a marketing role for one of our top secret groups. I think it would be great to be working closely with technology again and working with a group that is trying to change the world. Last is a communications role. I love writing (duh!) and it would be writing for engineering, so I could escape the awful world of sales and marketing.

Wish me luck!

this time next week...

I'll be in Italy! With Creeper and Gremlin (my lovely NYC work friends). I miss them SO much and I'm so happy we were able to plan this time away together. I am getting so damn excited about it! I still have no idea what I'm going to wear there or how to pack or what kind of suitcase to take. THERE ARE SO MANY OPTIONS. I also have SW's wedding before then and a train trip (my favorite kind) to NYC. I am not ready for this week at all, but I hope that makes the vacation that much more enjoyable!

Wish me luck getting ready!

omg my life.

I haven't written in a bit because I'm exhausted and I've been drinking like whoa. What is my life? Anyway, I had a spectacularly unproductive weekend these past couple of days, but it was so much fun! Things that happened:

• I had a spa day with my work girls and it was blissful. ALL the catching up, tons of champagne, a body wrap, and a pitstop at the Riptide to end the night. So many favorite things!
• I had a threesome. I guess I should blog about it, but I'm kind of tired, so I'm not going to. If you know me IRL, just ask! Maybe I'll write about it later. There was a guy. And another girl. I didn't know either of them. It was fun. Yeah...
• I got my urban hiking in on Saturday and was generally a hermit. I have 4 new books to read and I had to get cracking.
• Sunday brunch was glorious. There was too much alcohol, too much ice cream, and too much napping. Also pretty sure I'll never be allowed in Absinthe again. 
• There is this kid who will not stop texting me about how badly he wants to go down on me. He keeps using that emoji with the tongue sticking out and I immediately dry up like the Sahara every time I see it. Gross.

That's all folks!

what is my life?

Good Lord, last night. Because, according to all my gay male friends, "I'm the gayest person they know," I decided I wanted to go to a musical night at this gay bar in the Castro with two of my favorites. We had no clue what to expect, but after a delicious dinner, we headed over to see what was what. The bar was kind of quiet, I was pretty much the only one with a vagina there, and they were playing videos of different musicals on the screen. It was a little awkward, so Vest and I decided to just start drinking. Super strong whiskey gingers on deck and after a few songs, everything was AMAZING. They played the best stuff - Rocky Horror, Little Shop of Horrors, The Wiz, Wicked, Hairspray, Company, Cabaret - IT WAS AMAZING. My face lit up with glee with each new song and Vest mocked my enthusiasm. #thisiswhyimsingle #thisiswhyicantgetlaid Whatever, though - I love me some musicals and I enjoyed shouting along to everything and being a general drunken mess. We left around like 12:15am-ish and headed back home. I was starting to feel kind of ill. Then I got an OKC message from this dude I've been chatting with who lives 3 hours away.

Cut to like 15 min later and I'm skyping with this kid. He is beautiful. I mean, total mountain man type - he had a freaking hammock in his room and was wearing some kind of necklace on a leather strap with an artifact-looking pendant on it. He has long hair and a full beard and his muscles - Jesus Christ. His arms - omg there are no words. And his abs were phenomenal as well. Not the Ken Doll 6-pack type, but the rugged I WORK IN THE FIELDS ALL DAY AND COME HOME AND EAT RAW MEAT WITH MY BARE HANDS BEFORE I CLUB A NEARBY WOMAN AND DRAG HER TO MY CAVE type. I'm in love. Okay, maybe not love - but definitely lust. He's hot. I want it. Yes, please. So - he's supposed to be in SF next week and I'm praying that he does come here so we can get it on. That would make me so freaking happy, you have no idea.

Okay, wiping the drool off my mouth and getting back to work. He was a nice diversion last night.

but i am le tired.

I really need to get back into a regular sleep schedule. Working with international offices while not being in an international office is rough. It's 1:30am and I still have a million things on my to do list. So of course, I'm currently watching Breaking Bad and taking the time out to blog about nonsense. #mylife #mychoices

Did a quick day trip to Vegas today with my team. I love them. I really am starting to enjoy the people I work with, if only I enjoyed the tasks I was doing. If only I had time to reflect on my career and my goals. I'm just so burnt out right now. Going to bed every night at 2 or 3am and then getting up in time to get to the office by 9am. It's exhausting.

One good thing - Italy is on the horizon. I leave in t minus 12 days! Cannot wait!

finally!

Finally heard back from the outside job and it's a no. To be honest, I'm just so happy to have ANY answer at all that I'm not even all that upset. It stings a bit - all rejection stings a bit - but as more and more time passed and they hadn't gotten back to me, the enthusiasm waned. Although I may not have the job I want, I do have a *good* job, at a great company, and that's something. Now I just need to find my way forward. I'm not sure what to do next. I think I'm too tapped out for a real, long intensive job search. I'll apply to things here and there as I hear about them, but I think instead I'm going to try and fix the problem from the inside instead of just running from it. I'm going to try and figure out what would make me happy at this company - a new role, a transfer, trying to fix the role I'm currently in. I'm not really sure, but I've got some time to think about it, and I'm going to do just that.

what to be when i grow up?

This is all assuming that I ever grow up. I've been so pensive lately about my career path. I'm also exhausted because the job I'm currently in is going crazy and I stay up every night until 2:30am trying to answer emails from Europe and Asia. I just feel like this is a time of a lot of upheaval and I want to make sure I'm pursuing the correct path. If I'm going to make a move or a change, I want it to be the right change. Not an impulsive decision that I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life.

Obviously, I still haven't heard back from the external job. I'm looking at a new internal one, but still waiting on that as well. I was chatting with Senior Year Roomie today and it made me think about what I actually want out of a career. I just can't seem to find that magic answer. What would make me happy? The worst thing about being a jack of all trades is that when your interests and skills are so varied, you can see yourself in a wide variety of roles. Yet, none of them seems like it's the "one."

I love the pace of my current job - I love traveling, I love planning, I love getting lost in the details. However, I've never been an ultra-creative in the way that some of my teammates are. My favorite things to do with events are curation and technology. Also, communication and solving large puzzles. If I could just find a role that would allow me to do all those things, without the bullshit politics (or planning the perfect evening reception), I would be happy.  I don't want to give up my travel schedule, though, and a normal 9-5 desk job just isn't in the cards for me. I get bored too easily.

Anyway, while I wait I might as well try to see what I want. Who knows? Maybe I'm at the point in my life where I need to decide to create my own opportunities, whether that's at my current company or out on my own. Scary.

late night musings.

Sigh. I have a long list tonight and I want to get most of it done. I don't know why I keep staying up like this. I have an early meeting tomorrow and then a baseball game in Oakland, so I really shouldn't be up, but oh well.

1. Still no word from this other job. It's agonizing and at this point, I'm like WTF.
2. I applied for another role at my current company, but working in the London office. Pray they write me back. Somebody must want to hire me.
3. I just spent 90 minutes on the phone with a new boy. There have been too many new boys. It's crazy. I really just need to get my sexual frustration out somewhere and then maybe I can chill the fuck out. 
4. My job is eating away at my soul. It's really hard to be in this role and I hate not feeling creative. Instead, I'm spending all my time answering emails from terrible people who are entitled and awful. I need a new creative outlet.

Anyhow, I should get back to being productive. Wish me luck!

i don't want to go back to the real world.

The thought of work tomorrow is agonizing. I just want to stay at home all day, watch all the Boardwalk Empire, and take epic walks around the city. Instead, I get to go in to the office and answer whiny emails from entitled jackasses. Jesus, my life right now. I'm in the midst of hating this whole dating thing. It's a long story that I don't feel like getting into, but I just feel so undesirable right now, which is the common thing that happens when I know I'm on the verge of being rejected. So I overcompensate and look for things to make me feel better about my situation. Currently, those things are two new men that I'm not all that interested, but that will do for my purposes. Don't ever let anyone tell you dating is fun. It's hell.

I was super depressed this morning, but then JK and I had brunch at our favorite #hiddengem, where I ate all the things. That was followed by Riptide for their 10th Anniversary, where there was more food (omg BBQ!) and alcohol. I felt immensely better after hanging out, but now I'm full and dying after my 2 hour nap. I need to get my life in order, but I also don't have time to get my life in order. I was supposed to be productive this weekend, but that went out the window. I'm okay with that, though. I got to spend time with my friends, who I hadn't seen in forever - lots of yummy dinners and fun conversation.

One day my shit will be together, but it may take some time and I just need to be patient.

staycation!

All I need to do is get through tonight's list and Staycation 2014 will begin! I'm going to completely declutter my apartment and I am SO excited about it. I'm coming up on my four year San Franniversary and it's time for a purge. I have so many closets full of so much crap. It's time to get organized and get my shit together. It's going to be glorious. I also want to see Obvious Child, Maleficent, and maybe a few other movies. I may start up the job search again, since I cannot seem to get an answer from this other job if they want to hire me. So there's that. Add in some reading, chilling outside, hanging out with my lovely friends (maybe bingo!), and I am all set.

Tomorrow is date night, but my period is ruining the whole sex thing. But we're still going to get together, watch a movie, have some wine, maybe a PG-13 sleepover? Sigh - my life...

frustration.

I have a massive headache and I'm seriously exhausted, even after a 90 minute nap earlier. I still have no direction on whether or not this job wants to hire me. I've been running around trying to get my STD results in order for this hookup thing. My job is slowly killing me inside. Oh, and I have my period. Amazeballs.

I need this four-day San Francisco staycation more than anything in this world. Pray I survive tomorrow.