I'm back from the Train Cruise! Good Lord... it was quite a trip (warning: this is long). We flew to Miami last Thursday, had dinner at the hotel, and then turned in early to get a good night's sleep. Friday was brunch and boarding the ship. First of all, it was HUGE. I forgot how big cruise ships are - I think this one had like 2500 people on it. The crowd was different than I thought. I knew everyone was going to be white, but I really thought it would be people in their 30s. Instead, it was a lot of middle-aged folks and there were children, too. I saw about 5-8 black people (including myself) and like a handful of Asians, but yeah - the Train fan base is mostly white. The first night was a shitshow - I got SO FUCKING DRUNK. I don't know how it happened or if it was a combination of seasickness or what, but I do not remember dinner. We were sitting at the table with two famous chefs and then they left and all I remember is me and D being like, "We're going to leave and go puke!" and then heading back to the room. I promptly vomited everything into the toilet, while D threw up over the balcony. Then, LC and her fiance came in and piled on top of me while I was passed out. Ladies and Gentlemen, we are so freaking classy.
Day 2 was one of the worst hangovers ever. Because you're on a damn boat and you can see the waves moving and feel it and you just want to die. I wasn't a human being for the whole day. We laid out a bit upstairs, but I couldn't drink anything and looking at the water made me ill. So... we went back to dinner and hung out with the chefs, which is where I met Tatted Chef. We're basically sitting in our little group of four when he and some of the other celebrity chef dudes come over. He basically shoves me over to sit next to me and I'm like OMG RUDE. I basically ignore him because he's not my type. Life Coach's fiance had mentioned that he was super into black girls and just broke up with his Kenyan girlfriend of 3 years. I was like whatever - I'm not here to mack on dudes.
He ends up leaving and then he comes back and asks if he could sit next to me. So the chefs are chatting and then he turns to me and introduces himself. I'm still like - meh - because he literally has two full sleeves of tatts, along with tatts on his hands and knuckles. Every so often, he breaks off from the chef convo to talk to me. Then LC's fiance goes, "So how many of these Filipina cruise ship girls are you going to screw this week?" Again, so much class. So Tatted Chef looks at me and is like "I'm sorry, darling, I don't mean to be weird, but I exclusively date African or African-American women." I laugh because I'm uncomfortable and nervous. Basically, for the rest of the night, he is all up in my grill. He gave me a rose (which I threw away) and he keeps iterating his love for black girls. I mean, he was looking at me like I was a pool of water and he'd been in the desert for 10 years. It was... special. I felt like I was being really rude and not playful or flirty because I felt like shit and because I am the kind of girl who is not comfortable with a lot of male attention. Makes me nervous. I'm not used to men pursuing me like that. Anyhow, LC gets sick and the chefs are all talking about boring chef stuff and sponsorships, so the girls leave to go back to the room and call it a night. Tatted Chef gives me a hug and I scramble away uncomfortably.
Day 3 - I feel much better, so much more human and acclimated to the boat. We went on land to the Cayman Islands and had a beautiful day with the four of us in the sun. Glorious. We come back and decide that we're going to hang out at the casino bar after dinner. I'm sitting there and Tatted Chef comes up to my left and I'm like - Okay, Miss... let's play nice and not be a see you next Tuesday. So I engage him and ask how he's doing. He's still in the trying to impress me mode - telling me about the rappers he knows in Chicago and his love of hip hop clubs. Then, he whips out all his money and it's like 50s and 100s and he counts it and puts it in his wallet. I'm like - omg, really?! Then, I tell him I don't like gambling because it makes me nervous, and so he puts $50 into the machine and is like, "Let's see how lucky you are." I watch him and do all the flirty shit and finally convince him to stop once he's $100 up. I reiterate that I hate gambling my own money, and he's like, "Sweetie - you can gamble all of my money. I don't care if you lose it, I'll just make some more." Cue eye roll. We talk a bit and he makes some little innuendos. I tell him I can't wait to go home and call my mom and tell her about the ridiculousness of this cruise. He is like "Yeah, you can tell her how you met this amazing guy and had the best sex ever." I kind of ignored the comment. More about how I have vices, but not gambling, and him speculating on what I would or wouldn't do. The typical sexy flirting shit.
My friends decide to bounce and he asks me if I'm going to leave with them. Moment of truth - I tell him I can stay out a bit and I send my friends back to the room. He sits down next to me and we actually get to talk. He seems interesting. I don't know where his black girl fetish came from, but he hasn't been with a white woman in 10 years and he just says he thinks black women are beautiful. I didn't feel like doing a racial feminist analysis of it. He tells me about his brother who died and explains his tattoos to me and we chat. He orders another drink and is like, "After this, I'm going to go back to my room. Do you want to come and relax with me?" I say yes and we head back and sit on his bed and I mock him for not having a balcony. Of course, I'm a chatterbox, so eventually he has to kiss me to shut me up. He turns off the lights and we start getting into it. He has even more tatts under his shirt - on his chest and two on his back, one of which is a naked lady with the words Peep Show on it haha. The sex was pretty good - I like older men (he's 37) because they just know what to do. I also love when men go down on you (especially before you do anything to them) without you having to ask. So after we screw, he gets this major case of the hiccups and I'm like - umm, should I sit here and listen to hiccups or should I leave? Is this him trying to kick me out? When we finished, he said "Round 1" so I'm assuming there are more rounds, but it's already 3am and my friends don't know where I am. So I decide to start getting dressed and try to sneak out, but I can find my bra, so I nudge him and tell him I have to go. He tries to get me to stay, but I know that LC will freak if I'm not in the room and we have to be up at 8 the next morning. We kiss a bunch and he's like - we still have one more day. Let's do this again tomorrow.
Cue next day and the awkwardness. My friends obvi know I was out late. All the chefs definitely have been talking about it because I get shit-eating grins from them (and the chef handler). We see them all at dinner, but Tatted Chef doesn't come over - his boss does, though, and he's talking about their plans for the night and they're joking about how Tatted Chef likes chocolate milkshakes. Jesus, I wanted to die. Long story short - they invited us out, but my friends were tired and I didn't want to be that girl chasing dick around, so I stuck with our crew. So it was a one-night stand kind of deal. I'm definitely happy I got laid (it's been since October), and it goes to show that you cannot tell a book by its cover. Who thought a biker, neo Nazi looking dude would be so into black girls? Now it's back to SF and my dating drought...
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