return to dating?

I may go on a date in the next few days. I'm weird about this because it feels like forever since I last dated. I can't even remember the last time a guy took me out. Thinking... thinking... I know I last had sex in February on the cruise. I don't know if I've gone on a date since then. I've just been feeling fat and ugly and terrible lately and I don't want to be bothered. It's also hard for me to focus on men when I'm not at a good place in my career. I've been talking to a nice lawyer, though - my age, Harvard grad, cute ginger with glasses. My interest is piqued. We'll see how it goes. I am starting to miss the game a little bit. I miss flirting and dates and long conversations over wine. That feeling of excitement before you see someone. I want it back.

east coast trip!

Just got back late last night from my DC/Chincoteague Island trip. It was... interesting. DC was amazing - as per usual! So exciting and fun to see College BFF (especially since we never get to see each other anymore) and the rest of the DC AXO girlies. Enjoyed several home-cooked meals and gossiping about sex, men, and careers. It's nice to talk to a different set of people and get more perspective on life.

Also, all of the Yale crew was in town for a wedding, so I got to go out with them on Friday night to celebrate Vest's birthday. We started off at B's rooftop going away party and then moved to a club to go dancing. I think I found my wedding DJ. The music was ABSOLUTELY perfect. Mix of old school, new school. I could've danced all night ::cue My Fair Lady::

Now... the weird part was that damn island. I was told there would be feral ponies and there were only 3 ponies, behind a fence, light years away from where we were! WTF?! Also, we had a true struggle dinner where we were denied everything we actually wanted. Mozzarella sticks? Out of those. What desserts did they have? None. I'm drunk and want wings! No, bar is only serving pizza. Womp womp. We hung out with one of College BFF's friends and his friend. I kind of wanted to use this trip to get laid, but I just wasn't interested in him. He seemed sweet, but definitely not my type. Like at all. They did drive us home, though. So that's a win!

Then I spent exactly 24 hours in New York and now here I am, at home doing a mountain of work while waiting for the cleaners. It was so nice to catch up with old friends, but I'm ready to figure out my SF life!

plane life.

I am a horrible snot and upgraded to first class. Which means that I've had more alcohol before noon than one needs on a Wednesday. I'm attempting to do work and finish up my list, but in actuality I just want to pass out. May God have mercy on my soul.

Excited for DC weather, though - craving heat and humidity. Also, SOOOO happy that College BFF made me chili! I love her so much. Seriously, the way to my heart is food and alcohol. Cannot get enough.

I can't believe I have another two hours on this flight. Going to the East Coast is terribly annoying. I wish everyone and everything could just reside in California so I never have to leave.

Okay, back to work!

i'm so bad at this.

I like to tell myself that I'm not blogging because I'm actually living but the truth is that I've been horribly lazy. I'm coming off of a 1.5 day hangover as a result of Bay to Breakers, which is the best thing about San Francisco (okay not the best... but one of my faves). I had people over and it was the usual festival of drunken debauchery. I love hosting people and I enjoy drinking copious amounts of alcohol before 10am. Perfect day.

Other news... still waiting on job stuff. It's agonizing.

In boy news, I kinda want to text this boy I've been chatting with, but I wonder if it's because I'm lonely. I did enjoy our conversation, but I'm normally not motivated to make moves with men so I'm wondering where this is coming from. I desperately need to get laid in the next like two weeks or I'm going to explode. Cue inappropriate sexual activity up ahead... Sigh.

ANYWAY. Tomorrow I leave for DC, to visit my best friend and play with my sorority sisters. I'm beyond excited to get the hell up out of CA, take a couple of days off, and go out drinking with my girls. Also, we are going to an island with feral ponies!!! I love feral things. I'm going to touch a pony, I've decided. Hopefully it doesn't kick me or anything.

This entry is silly, but hey I wrote something!

waiting is the hardest part.

I am so bad at waiting for things. I'm probably the most impatient person on Earth. I think it has me on edge this week - waiting to hear back about new job opportunities, both within my company and outside of it. I just hit that wall where I know change needs to happen. I think I'm ready to grow up and enter the next phase of my life. I want a career, not a job. I want a real relationship, not a stream of mediocre hookups punctuated by men that I think I could be with, but where things just never seem to work out. I want a new wardrobe. I want to lose the weight I've packed on in these past three years. I want a new life. An exciting new life that makes me feel exhilarated. I really hope that's not too much to ask.

when it rains, it pours.

So um yeah. I suck at writing on this thing. Some exciting new developments since we last spoke.

1. I've been interviewing at a company that I am WILD about. I just had my last round of interviews and am anxiously awaiting next steps. I don't know if I can leave the nest, but I'm excited to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
2. I met with someone internally about another role in another department and it sounds amazing. The most important thing is that it is global and would mean a lot of international travel and also more writing. I'm excited about it, but I'm even more conflicted now about leaving the company that's been my home for the past 6.5 years.
3. Vest told me if I had sex while he is away for the month, he will clean my kitchen. This may motivate me to dust the cobwebs off my vag and get to business. Orrrrr I may be lazy. He also said this while drunk, but I AM HOLDING HIM TO IT. #inappropriatefriendships 
4. I love love love love San Francisco. In so many ways. The Bay Area is amazing and I never want to leave.
5. I've been working with a sex coach and it's kind of intense and amazing and I need to talk about it at some point.

That's it for me. I'm taking it easy tonight and watching TV, cleaning, and reading. Nice night in =)