whirlwind.

There is so much going on right now, I can't even handle it. Work is... well, work. There is so much frustration and craziness and all the new people and everything. It's not worth talking about, but it's just a lot right now and I'm not sure how to fix it. Anyway, moving on.

I'm currently in the midst of a two-week whirlwind trip across the country. Last week was Vegas for work - a place I've been to SO MANY TIMES that it's kind of insane. Then I popped back to Long Island to see my parents. Yesterday was a friend's wedding in Boston. It was beautiful and so much fun. There's something about watching someone you knew way back when get married that's really special. I'm a sucker for weddings and I suspect I always will be. Now I'm back on Long Island and getting ready for a few days in NYC. On the docket, hanging out with my old work girls, spending time with the fam, and working an event at MSG. Holla! Then, a friend and I go to NOLA for Jazz Fest. Cannot wait!

I don't want to go back to real life.

so much to write about.

Today was a crazy day - work, running errands, and then meeting with my new sex coach. I'm considering going into the field of sex education and sex coaching, so I've decided to see one and get a first-hand view of what exactly that entails. I swear I'll write about that, but not tonight (sorry, Vest!). The other part of my day has been exploring other options with my career.

I'm excited and terrified. There's a piece of me that has been so unhappy with my job that I want to run from it, kicking and screaming. Then, there's this other piece of me that loves the "devil I know." I'm scared to branch out and leave a place where I feel comfortable and everything is old hat. I've never really run from change before, so I'm trying to embrace it - to crave it, to work for it, and hopefully if it comes, to charge headfirst into the unknown. I just don't know if I'm ready yet. I think I am. I want to feel challenged at work - I want to be scared. I'm no longer afraid of anything at my job. I know where I fit in and I know how to succeed. I want the opportunity to fail. I think that's when I shine the most, when everything isn't clear cut and I have the realization that I could fuck everything up. That's where I do my best work. I need to get to that place.

i need to figure out what's going on with me.

Lately, I've been so unmotivated to date or even respond to men who are interested in me. I have no idea why this is happening, but it's alarming. I've had a whole bunch of random Tinder/OKCupid guys trying to get all up in my grill and I'm just not feeling it (even though they're attractive). I really do want to meet someone organically, but I feel like I'm never in a place where that happens. I'm trying to get myself out and about more. Last week, I was pretty decently social - there was trivia and L's birthday party - but I'm still so blah about all my prospects.

Maybe it's because I'm not happy at work. There's something about loving my job that is a real necessity for me to feel like a fully functional human being. When I'm happy at work, it's amazing. Right now work is pretty demoralizing, BUT on the plus side, I have mountains of free time because it's slow right now and I'm refusing to take on additional responsibilities. It's just weird because I have all this time, but I'm not using it properly and I'm not in the right frame of mind.

I also think I may just be fed up with my body and my wardrobe. I hate every piece of clothing I own and I hate all the weight I've gained. I have zero desire to be thin, but I would like to be thinner in certain places (aka please God take my stomach and let me keep my T&A). I need to start getting my ass back in the gym again and working out at home at night. And drinking less. I'm sure that would also improve my mood.

I really just want to meet someone that is so exciting that I cannot overlook them. Someone who interests me and makes me feel like stepping my game up. Right now, I'm over all things dating related. My kitty cat is basically closed for business until further notice. Maybe one day I'll meet someone I can see myself with. If not, there's always that murder-suicide pact I have with JK. Hey - a girl's gotta have options!

good lord, this weekend.

Being social is incredibly tiring. I don't know how young people do it. Friday, I dipped my toe in the world of making new friends (slash potential dating partners) by going to this bowling mixer for a new organization I joined. My goal is to findi a way to meet men that doesn't involve swiping left or right. My soul is just so weary from online dating (and I know that sounds like an exaggeration, but trust me - being single in 2014 is really fucking terrible) and I need a break. I was nervous, but the night went well. There were definitely no men there that I wanted to get with, BUT there were fun friends and I quickly established myself as one of the drinkers who didn't want to bowl. Instead, I played Cards Against Humanity and had a fun time laughing with new people. Check plus for me. I'm going to a mixer at a bar for the club this week as well. New adventures!

Saturday, I was excited to spend the day with Life Coach. I miss her SO much and now that we don't work together, it's really hard to catch up on each others' lives. We hung out with some mutual friends, ate lunch at her man's restaurant, and drank mimosas. After that, we all went back to her place where she introduced me to my new favorite obsession. Chrisley Knows Best. GOOD LORD. I think it may be the best reality show I've ever seen. We were in stitches and we watched like 5 episodes while drinking copious amounts of white wine. Love. After that, I went home to change and get ready to go to dinner with the Y Crew. Ate at a new restaurant, courtesy of Vest, and then went out to Butter (a white trash themed bar in SF). My favorite nights in life have been at Butter, so I was super psyched to go. Had drinks I probably didn't need and spent my time dancing to the amazing music they play there. I need more Butter in my life. The music is the best and the crowd is always interesting. I met a cute black girl who danced with us for a bit, but whose boyfriend (or whatever) seemed unhappy that she was interested in dancing with us. Oh, well. The night ended with street hot dogs and Ubering home with Vest. Yay! We are awesome.

Today, I paid for it, though. I had the mother of all hangovers and spent most of the morning in bed. Got very little done today, but oh well - I'm still kind of young. Plenty of time to get my life in order this week.