This weekend was a hot, holy mess, but ultimately fitting with the theme of Year of Fun (#YOF). Currently, I'm sitting on my couch, nursing the mother of all hangovers with a bottle of water and the most gigantic pot of pesto pasta ever created. I woke up at 3am wanting to murder any and everything in sight. I'm truly testing the limits of my liver this week. I don't even know if I can so much as look at a bottle of anything alcoholic without vomiting. On the plus side, though - I did not vomit! So there's that! Ladies and gentlemen, I am still doing this shit at 28. What is my life?!
On Friday night, I had dinner with a few friends at a cute restaurant in the Marina. We proceeded to drink a ton of wine and I started spewing the most ridiculous shit ever. I don't know what it is, but I get drunk and all of a sudden all of my sexual stuff is on the table. All of it! I mean, I'm a fiercely sexual person and I'm not ashamed of anything, but there's a time and a place. I'm also fairly certain we ruined dinner for the table next to us (which happens to me all the time... ask me about the time I pulled out nipple clamps and a butt plug at a Korean restaurant. The table next to us was SCANDALIZED). Anyway, I proceeded to talk about the penis of this dude I'm trying to get with (it's amazing, fyi). I also talked about anal sex, oral sex, facials --- omg it was a hot mess. I'm cringing right now thinking about it. The boys were really mean to me - like they always are, teasing me about random shit. So of course, I had to hop on the offensive, which only eggs them on more. I know this and yet, I can't stop. I'm one of those girls that everyone loves to tease and I have no idea why. It's usually my default role in any friendship.
Post-dinner, we hit up a bar, where I talked one of the guy's ears off about more sex things and prostitution and starting my own escort service. The fact that this boy actually listens to my shit, asks questions and doesn't ignore me is insane. He has the patience of a saint. Especially after I berated his color-blindness and made him ID various colors on signposts to prove he could see them. I am a terrible person. Later, he texted me after they all dropped me off and I called him a worm and told him that I was going to make it my mission in life to destroy him. WHO THE FUCK AM I?! I'm not fit for human consumption.
Saturday was the usual bingo date with Vest, followed by dinner with JazzGirl and L&S. They all went off to be hip and cool and I came back home to snuggle in bed with my laptop and watch Flowers in the Attic. Yesterday, I did football and it destroyed me. Drinking from 11am til 9pm is never a good look. Luckily, there was much less sex talk, but more Snapchatting and Fireball shots. I'm pretty sure I drank my weight in whiskey, and I'm currently paying for it at 6pm the next day. One day, I'm going to be a mature woman who doesn't do crazy shit like this and has all of her ducks in a row. Today is not that day. #YOF
No comments:
Post a Comment